1) Look at the 1st paragraph. How does the author try to hook us? What works and what doesn’t?

.2) Look at the 2nd paragraph. Quote 3 segments where the author uses sensory detail to explain what is happening. What works/doesn’t?

3) What does the Mozart practice segment show us about the author? Why is it there?

4) Analyze the ending. How does the writer bring it all together? What does she tell us here?

5) Why do you think this won 5k? Did it deserve it? Explain.

Then, we’ll take some time to work on our own personal essays.

Finally, I want to take a look at Poetry Out Loud and choose our own poems.  Here’s the site and here are the qualifications. Choose a poem that is at least 14 lines long with extra credit for any choice over 25 lines. There is even a keyword search.  We’ll bust out the note cards in class to start the memorizing process.

HW: Finish the Personal Essay. Print it!

Trust no one!

We’ll start with buddy work. Read your 2 paragraphs out loud to a buddy and listen for specific sensory details (remember RENNS?). Work together to improve the paragraph and post the results here.

Then, we’ll look at the My Turn essay (Ashley) essay and note the places where she uses specific examples and for what reason.

1) How does the writer use the hook (“three blonde heads”) to grab the reader and set the tone for the essay?
2) Re-read and paraphrase the paragraph starting “The first time I actually became aware…”
3) Why does the writer use the example of the pencils? What is she trying to show?
4) How does the writer create a turning point? What anecdotes and information does she give to show that she has regained her pride for her name? How does she demonstrate her changed attitude?
5) What advice would you give the writer to make the essay even better?

Then, we’ll read “Defending our Skies Against the Elderly” and answer these questions.

1. Re-read the 2nd paragraph. What are the details about the shoes meant to show and demonstrate?
2. What does the 3rd paragraph show us about the character of her grandfather?
3. Now skip down to the paragraph beginning “The man who never broke a law…” What does this anecdote about how airport security?
4. Why does the author think what happened to her father was unfair and unwarranted?  How does she explain her feeling? Is there some telling here? Is that bad?
5. How does the writer conclude the essay?  How do the earlier details make it effective?

Our next trick will involve a pre-writing activity for our next writing assignment.

If we have time, I hope to have us see a bit of the DVD of Poetry Out Loud.

HW: Pre-write for My Turn essay assignment

Pepperocini with that?

Welcome!

Let’s look at a sample example of a personal essay: Be Cool to the Pizza Dude and then answer these questions individually:

1. Give at least 2 examples of sensory details meant to demonstrate or show something.
2. What is Principle 1 in your own words?
3. Explain the use of the bubbly cheese/pizza metaphor in Principle 2.
4. Why, in Principle 3, does the writer suggest the pizza dudes are better than, say rich people?
5. Paraphrase this passage: I am the equal of the world not because of the car I drive, the size of the TV I own, the weight I can bench press, or the calculus equations I can solve. I am the equal to all I meet because of the kindness in my heart.
6. Comment on the writing style. What words would you use to describe your sense of the author? Explain.

Now, we’ll try another example: The Choice to Do it  over again.

1. Why is the first sentence surprising and effective?
2. What was the specific consequence to the author’s “delinquency?”
3. What caused the writer to change? How does he show this?
4. How does the author compare Blake’s learning with his own?
5. What does the writer need to work on?  What would make the essay stronger?

Then, I’ll ask you to read D.G. Jerz’s Show don’t (Just) Tell.  We’ll talk about what advice he’s giving us.

Finally, I’ll ask you to write me a paragraph that takes this example:

When I was a kid I had a birthday party. It was awful.  People ignored me. I felt sad. All of the presents were lame.  When they gave me a cake, it was gross and ugly. After I ate a piece, I got sick. I never want to have a birthday again.

and make it stronger with more showing and more sensory details. Put your results here.

HW: Write 2 paragraphs of powerful showing that use situations that you’ve experienced.

Then, we’ll see your examples of show don’t tell.

Would you push him onto the tracks?

Next, I’ll ask you–in small groups–to pull out “Just Walk on By” and note examples of showing (vs. telling) and of some of the rhtetorical techniques used (as well as the reasons why).

Then, we’re going to talk about grammar: sentence types (here’s the file) and  sentence combining.

I hope then to show a bit of the Justice video and talk to individuals about their King papers.

HW: 2 parts–get your college application prompt ready to go for Thursday and read Frederick Douglass’s “Learning to Read and Write” (in 50 essays or here) and write a 200 word response that notes showing vs. telling and rhetorical strategies

Extra: See the Daily Show’s attack on CNN wherein they mention both abuse of statistics and slippery slope! Please see the last part at home so I don’t get in trouble.

Then, we’ll start taking a look at a more personal style of writing.

Go to the This I Believe site and read Bill Gate’s Unleashing the Power of Creativity and Intelligence and comparing it to T. Susan Chang’s The Imperfect Trace of Human Hands.

1. Give an example of one the better sentences or sections from each essay.
2. Explain what the major thesis is for each essay.
3. Consider the use of specifics in each essay. Which essay is more skillful in how he/she use concrete examples to dramatize and support the points the writer wants to make.
4. For Chang’s essay, comment on the purpose and effect of the paragraph that begins “I didn’t always feel this way.”
5. For Gates’ essay, comment on the purpose and effect of the paragraph that begins “Like my friend Warren Buffet.”

After this, we’ll read the seminal handout (a good bandname, that) Show don’t (just) Tell and talk about the advice given therein.

Finally, we’ll do a little practice in which I ask you to try out a little of that Show don’t Tell magic.

HW: Read Just Walk on By by Brent Staples and in a blog post note how he does and doesn’t Show vs. Tell in his own writing. (100-200 words)

1. What am I trying to say? What’s my message?
2. What’s my lead? How will I use an anecdote, story, fact, or other engaging introduction to start the essay?
3. What specific personal experiences will I use in my essay?

When we get back, we’ll spend some time writing. 30 minutes.

After a short break, we’ll try an in class assignment to create our own rough draft based on a pre-write.  Then, we’ll talk due dates.

HW: First Draft!

Group A+B: first draft due Thursday, September 17th;

Groups C+D: first draft due Tuesday, September 22nd.

Then, we’ll look at the 2nd place winner of the MyTurn College essay contest. We’ll read it out loud and comment directly on the writer’s use of specific examples.

Finally, it’s time for you to start thinking of your essay. Your first essay is the personal essay. In it:

“My Turn” Essay Contest judges look for direct personal experience and observation with a fresh, original point of view. They want engaging, moving, or thought-provoking essays that appeal to a national readership.

When writing your essay, you should follow a three-part format: the introduction, which includes an engaging lead; the body, which contains the central idea; and a conclusion, which sums up and expands on the main or central idea of the essay.

Use this form to start developing ideas for your first essay.

HW: Full pre-write for next Wednesday.  Monday reading book in class.

Brian Greene and some strings

Next, we’ll listen to Brian Greene’s This I Believe essay: Science Nourishes the Mind and Soul.

In small groups, we’ll also talk a bit about what his purpose was and how he used examples to show what he believed.

Next, we’ll check out the ridiculously helpful handout: Show don’t (just) Tell and figure out what we mean by the difference. Then, we’ll take the Greene article and highlight (in Word) all of the specific details.

If we get to it, we’ll do a bit of writing. Choose a number between 1-10. OK, now write between 100-200 words about time in which you were (insert number). Use as many specific details as you can.

1. embarassed
2. lucky
3. miserable
4. relieved
5. bored
6. energized
7. exhausted
8. proud
9. greedy
10. helpful

HW: Paragraph is due tomorrow.

Next, we’ll look at “What’s the Matter with College.”and answer these questions in a Word document.

1. What does Perlstein mean by the phrase “culture of enervation?” How does this apply to college life?
2. How does Perlstein think college has changed since back in his day?  What evidence does he give for this?
3. Reread the paragraph beginning “Most of my interviewees were happy…”  What is the implicit attitude towards Caroline that the author expresses?  Why does he feel this way?  What does he have against her?
4. What does the debate about the Uncommon application say about the realities of Colleges and economics?
5. What is a college supposed to do? Get you a job? Make you an educated person? Connect you with important people? Give you an excuse to leave your parents behind? Explain how you see the function and value of College.

In small groups, we’ll talk about college.

If we have time, we’re going to hear an essay from Brian Greene about science and life.

We’ll look at this My Turn model and then use it to remind ourselves of some of the important writing goals we have: show, don’t tell; specific detail, clear writing, hooks, and conclusion.

Then, I’ll be looking one-on-one with your work in class while you write and edit.  The hope is to get all 1st drafts through today and then next week I’ll introduce our second piece while we try and get them grade-able/publishable next week.